... She's back. I'm so sorry for disappearing, but y'all probably expected that. Short run down of the past couple months: Christmas was great. My birthday was great. I did a praktikum. I took an SAT and had a mid-year seminar. I went on a chorus trip. I joined chorus. I'm officially no longer a newbie at boxing. I still miss my dog.
Honestly the intent of this post isn't to update you on what I've been doing. I understand that's the idea, but there are new finalists! This post is going to be a mix of advice, and also a little bit of a story about the realities of exchange. With that, my first point: Exchange isn't a vacation. To the people who keep leading with "How was ditching school for a year?" and it's siblings, get a grip. This isn't me leaving to travel to a new place everyday, with no responsibilities, it's me attending school, and having a life here. By the time you hit the eight month mark, you'll have built a life. It's both wonderful and awful. Future exchange students, you're going to put up with so much bullshit. You'll try and keep in touch with people back home, and they will utterly forget you exist. I'm not saying all your friends will do that, but many will. You'll come to know which of your friendships were ones of convenience rather than real friendship. I have friends who only write whenever I send them something, and not in the sense of shooting off a text. As in when they receive an actual card or something from me. You'll text people, and they'll never reply. They might ask about your exchange, but as soon as you actually talk about it, they stop answering. It can suck. Know that while the first couple months are hard, actually the entire year is hard, but you'll make friends. You'll find those friends who actually want to be your friends despite the distance, and you'll make meaningful friendships here. Second thing: Accept the reality of change. Your friends are going to leave you behind, and you're going to leave them behind. Not in the same way, and probably not in a physical sense. You'll grow so much this year. Sometimes, your friends don't. Going on exchange put me on the wonderful/awful path of self discovery and growth, and the reality is, I'm different. They say for every month on exchange, you live two. I can't find it in me to disagree with them. In the states, people have known me my entire life. I'm expected to behave in a certain way, consciously or not. The reality is different now. I've dropped old habits, gained new ones, found new perspectives, and become a little more self aware. I doubt I'll slide back into that niche I had before, and I certainly don't want to. Another exchange student told me once that coming home was easy, but that holding onto who you are when you come back is the hard part. Third: You're going to get homesick. Maybe not in the way you expect but you will. I find myself missing people less than places. Sometimes it's a physical ache in my chest, the want of familiar Virginia thunderstorms, the muggy heat that wraps around you like a second skin, my porch swing and Holly (my family's dog) lying underneath it, driving with the windows down while Elyse and I catch up, and so much more. You can talk with people. You can't skype with your favorite spot or chair or feeling. It's one of those things where you're going to miss events. I've missed prom, both of my siblings graduating (again), birthdays, and holidays. On the nights of Homecoming, Snowball, and Prom I stayed up absurdly late for the pictures. There was some crying, generally over how beautiful my friends are, but there was some crying. Life goes on without you. You're going to miss people. If anything, you're going to miss the comfortable familiarity of your first language, and a place that's yours. Fourth: You're not going to be able to express your emotions adequately in German. Not at first at least. If you come in with nothing, maybe not ever. I'm still not quite there, but it's certainly improved. I remember one day in my first school, and I felt awful. I had a pounding headache from trying to keep up with the German being spoken in class, and I had tried to say something and heard laughter. It wasn't a personal thing against me, my german was absolutely atrocious, but at that point in time I couldn't handle it. I burst into tears, and I couldn't explain why I was upset or why this was so hard, which just made it worse. Thankfully though, I have friends who will let me cry on them when I've had a bad day (Shoutout to Loreen for just pulling me out of class and giving me chocolate, and the unidentified janitor who gave me tissues and a smile). I couldn't explain the near physical ache I had for home that day, and I don't think I could today. Whether it's infectious joy or the near crushing weight of the want of family, emotions haven't become easier. It doesn't help that in English, there's so many nuances to words. There can be twenty different words to describe a similar feeling, all with slightly different connotations. Sometimes, there's only one word in German. It can be incredibly frustrating not to have the language to express yourself. Figure out a way to cope early. Whether it's journaling, running, knitting, or drawing, know a way to let your emotions out. It's not healthy otherwise. I'm going to cut off here, but feel free to ask questions. Being an exchange student is so much, and I hope that next year's group has a wonderful time. We've got your back.
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First, I'm going to apologize for the wait. I've found myself with little desire to write, and much to do. I've done so much these past weeks! A trip with my school, going to Essen, ice skating, and Thanksgiving. I'm afraid this recollection will likely be a tiney bit haphazard.
Last Saturday I went to Essen, where I met with another exchange student, Amelia. I took the trains, which was both entertaining and boring. My first train was rather late, and I barely made the connection to my second train. Other than that, it was a remarkably pleasant journey. I met Amelia and we walked around the Christmas and Medieval Markets in Essen. Drinking coffee, catching up, and just generally enjoying ourselves. As both of us are from Virginia, we talked about traditions and cultural differences that strike us the most. One particular thing that has changed for both of us was our accents, they've faded, or changed. It's a little thing, but for some reason it still bothers me. I didn't have a very thick southern accent, but it was there. Now, it's barely noticeable. We talked about what is considered polite, and what's not. Some things that are rude in the U.S. aren't rude here, and it can be difficult to step out of polite behavior when it isn't warranted. All in all, I just had a lovely time catching up with a dear friend. This week I went on a two day trip with my class, to Haus Neuland. It was a seminar structure event, to get to know each other and work on what skills or interests are applicable later in life. Unfortunately, I've received similar training both at my former workplace and as counselor training, so the seminars themselves weren't always interesting. Getting to know other students, that was endlessly entertaining. Unfortunately, I had to leave a little early to make an appointment, but regardless it was fun. Last week I went ice skating with my host siblings. As some of you are well aware of, I am clumsy. I trip over my own feet, and slip at the most inopportune times. Learning to skate, was interesting. One of my friends, Julianne, was there and helped me. By the end of the two hours I was skating with some level of independence, but that hadn't saved me from falling about four times, and occasionally taking down my friend with me. As a result, I had some rather lovely bruises, but am now not utterly hopeless at skating. Yesterday was Thanksgiving. I made what my family generally makes, with smaller portions. Unfortunately, there is still a world of leftovers. I cooked for about eight hours total over two days, resulting in Jalepeno Corn, Mac n Cheese, Mashed Potatoes, Stuffing, Turkey Breasts, Cranberry Sauce, Gravy, Green Beans, Broccoli, Pumpkin Bars, and Oreo Pie. It went remarkably well, and I had a wonderful time. Admittedly, I struggled with homesickness. I missed my Nana and my siblings and my parents. What with my siblings away at school, Thanksgiving is reliably one of the only times outside of Christmas we're all together. This year however, my brother and I are both studying abroad, so it was a much smaller family gathering. I didn't think I'd struggle as much with homesickness now as I have and am. They warn you that the holidays are difficult, but I always thought I'd struggle more with Christmas than Thanksgiving. Cooking everything was perhaps the hardest part, and not because of the labor involved. In the days leading up to Thanksgiving, my family's kitchen is a whirlwind of laughter and movement. As I worked on the dishes, that was when I missed my family the most. I wished I was making the oreo pie with Nana, and she would scold me for suggesting we eat the filling now instead of putting it in the pie. I wished I was arguing with my sister about whether there's enough of this or that in the potatoes. At one point, I couldn't remember the grace my family says before dinner. That, more than anything, made me want to cry. I've said the grace for my family almost every day since I was in preschool until this year. I've said it every Thanksgiving and Christmas without fail. This year, I couldn't remember it. Maybe it was finally learning the grace my host family says, or just not saying it recently, but I couldn't remember. I'm thankful for so many things this year. I'm thankful I've gotten the chance to study abroad, to meet so many people, to learn so much, to live with such amazing host families, to be able to share my culture, to represent my country, to be healthy, that my family is healthy, that my friends and family have so much faith in me. I recently read the recommendations written about my for CBYX, and it was startling. I knew these people thought well of me, but to read what they'd written was another thing. My friends have giving me endless encouragement, and still keep me up to date about back home. My family has been nothing but supportive and so incredibly happy for me. My host families have been nothing but patient and kind, and I couldn't be more thankful for that. Being away from my family may be hard sometimes, but I wouldn't change anything for the world. I'm so thankful to be here, and to be alive right now. I've been listening to Hamilton recently, and I think it's apt to end this post with a quote from one of their songs, "Schuyler Sisters". "Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now!" As some of you may know, I recently switched host families. Not for bad reasons, but my first placement was simply temporary. I will always be grateful to both my family and the friends I've made in Brüggen. The thought of Brüggen is bittersweet, in that I have so many wonderful memories, but that now I'm starting again. Until this year, I'd never been a new student at school. Now I've been a new student twice. In a new country. It's definitely hard to say I do things by halves. Overall, the past two weeks have been good. Stressful at times, and slightly awkward, but good.
My host parents here in Lemgo picked me up Oct. 16th, and it was an emotional day. My friends, Jana and Loreen, came to say goodbye. We talked and chatted for about an hour before the doorbell rang. I'm a little embarrassed to admit Jana had to remind me to breathe. I said my goodbyes, cried a little, and was on my way. The week passed slowly, adjusting to a new family and a new place. I met another exchange student, Julia, that Wednesday. It was nice to catch up, and startling to speak English with a native speaker again. It's reassuring to speak with other exchange students, in a way no "You'll get through this" will ever be. They understand what you're going through, and it's an emotional burden lifted to be able to confide in them. That's not to say I don't talk with my friends and family. I do, but there's a gap there. It's hard for someone who hasn't done an exchange to understand the struggles with the same weight. Whether it's how easy it is to feel lonely, the perpetual confusion, learning a new language, or just simply shifting to adjust to a host family. That Friday I went to "Mädelsabend" or girls night, at my family's church. I met a bunch of girls, learned two new line dances for cotton eye joe, and in general had a great time. The girls are really kind, and it was fun to just laugh and have fun. Sometimes I was a little lost, but people were very helpful when I looked too confused. My new host family is really nice. The kids like soccer, and it's endlessly entertaining to watch them interact. There's a boy my age, and two twins about five years younger. Watching them interact is scarily similar to my brother and I when we were younger. It's fun to watch, even if I can't always keep up with the conversation or don't understand everything. All in all, I think it's going well with them. I've stopped being the awkward tip-toe shy presence in the house, but I can't say I'm as relaxed as I could be. That will come with time. They speak a lot of english, which is both good and bad. Bad in that I speak more english than I should, but good in that they can explain grammar to me. Grammar is my best frenemy. I don't understand when to use genitive or dative yet, but I think I'm improving. I haven't made any leaps and bounds, but I understand more grammar now. School, has been an adventure. A fun, slightly stressful adventure. My first day, I went with Justin (my host brother) to his first class, and then went to an advanced english class. The teacher of the advanced english class helped me work out what classes I needed, and a tentative schedule. I then proceeded to get lost. I wandered around trying to find the office for a bit, found it, and asked for directions to Treffpunkt (where I catch my bus). I managed to turn just a little too early, and as a result, did not know where I was. I asked a stranger for directions, but I think I misunderstood them. I'm afraid my vocabulary when it comes to navigation is rather limited. I managed to go in the completely wrong direction, but managed to make it to the Treffpunkt about half an hour later. I got home, and went for a run to blow off steam. The next day, I had chemistry, which is fun except I'm still fairly lost. They're already well into the semester, and I've never studied chemistry before. It's like physics, but physics is math. Math isn't as hard. Since then, the week has gone fairly well. I've made some acquaintances, who will hopefully become friends, who are super duper helpful. I think I might broadcast my emotions on my face sometimes, because one of the girls in my english class told me "It looks like you have a question mark on your face. Are you lost?" today. I wasn't sure I was in the right hallway, and was very confused, but she helped me figure it out. School is more fun than I thought it would be. I'm studying calculus in my math class, because I've already learned what they're going over. My teacher just happened to have an american calculus textbook. It's very nice. I'm struggling to understand Chemistry and Physics, but that's what I have crash course and online guides for. It's been good so far, and I hope things continue to improve as I make more friends and learn more German. Also, if you ever get the chance, try Döner. Heaven, I swear. It's so good. It's a turkish specialty, and it's delicious. Ciao! Today, marks my fifth week in Brüggen, my eighth week in Germany, and one week left in Brüggen. So, my German has marked improvement to two months ago. Small conversations, introductions, and the typical "where are you from, how long have you been learning german" questions, are now answered with relative ease. Mostly I speak a mix of Englisch and Deutsch, or "Sprachen-Suppe", Language soup. My friend Loreen has been endlessly helpful, quizzing me on words, helping me with grammar, and in general putting up with me mangling the German language.
As I contemplate my time here, some things stick out to me. My growing collection of Kuscheltiere, the picture of Loreen and I that now decorates my desk, my wall of sugar cubes. Scrambling up onto hay bales (a fingernagel killer, just like bumper cars), watching Mrs. Doubtfire in Deutsch with Loreen, playing with Pira in Loreen's room, my Host Dad's love of jokes, Gina's bed hog status, and so much more. I didn't realize this until yesterday, but I've started knocking on the table when I sit down and people are already there. I didn't learn that in the U.S. I've slowly learned customs and just small tidbits that I never would have learned if I'd simply toured through the country. I understand more German than I think I would with an entire year in class. I think I might be more confident. I've started out right asking questions in my fumbling German, which I didn't really do in the U.S., even in Englisch. I've started forgetting English words faster than I can learn the German ones. Something I've become aware of is how much scrutiny the U.S. is under. I hear regular updates on the German news about our election. So many people have asked me "How has Trump managed to get to so much attention? How is he a serious competitor?" I can't tell you. He's a misogynistic ass, but apparently only now that blatant comments perpetuating sexual assault have come forward are some realizing that. The man has a history of misogyny, and he's proven to be a xenophobic ass. This is not the first time his demeaning treatment have come to light, and I don't understand how women can vote for someone who is not supportive of women. Enough about that though.On Friday, we had a trip to Hannover, where I took a million and one pictures. I was so obviously a tourist. We went into the Rathaus tower, with you could see practically all of Hannover from. People had written all over the inside of the tower, including but not limited to "See you in Hell", "Catalina is not Spain!", "*insert various cutesy declarations of love by couples", and last but not least, "Don't Slip." It was a lot of fun walking around the altstadt. On Saturday my Host Parents and I went to Helgoland, a beautiful little island in the north sea. We walked around and generally had a good time. It was a lot of fun. On Sunday I baked Chocolate Chip Cookies, admittedly with some substitutions. They taste great, so I'd say it was a success. I had to use honey instead of molasses, because i couldn't find brown sugar like what I needed. They were definitely a hit though, and the plate of cookies is rapidly shrinking. These past two months have been wonderful, and I'm sure the next eight will go well. Until next time, Tschüss! (Time Frame: Sep. 18-Oct. 2) Unfortunately, this past week didn't have a great start. What promised to be a good day, exploring the town going stand to stand during the flea market, ended up with me asleep for most of the day. I'd gotten sick. I had a viral infection, and proceeded to do nothing but sleep for three-ish days. My waking time was spent reading, drinking tea, and listening to the calm playlist I always update during exams. Thankfully, by Friday I was up and moving again.
My return to health brought about a trip to Oktoberfest in Hannover. In all honesty, it reminded me of the State Fair. Rides, food, and games, although I didn't see any that offered fish as a prize. We arrived relatively late in the evening, about eight forty five, and made it back home around eleven thirty. We spent the time wait for fireworks eating, and in my case, playing shooting games. I'm not a great shot, but I'm not a bad one either. With stationary targets about four feet away at most, the shooting games at the festival weren't much of a challenge. I came home with five stuffed animals and a large blow-up cudgel. At the first booth, I didn't miss a single shot. I'm still really proud of that. After the fireworks, we went on the ferris wheel. It provided a beautiful view of the fair, which was lit up with a myriad of colorful lights. We went home, and that was that. Saturday was a lot of fun. I helped get things ready for an event on Sunday, and then we went home and relaxed for a bit. At one point in the afternoon, Rainer and I went for a motorbike ride. We visited some really awesome caves that inspired one of the Grimm Brother's fairy tales. The area was a park, with trails and picnic tables. Being me, I scrambled up the hill and onto several rock formations very quickly. I spent about fifteen minutes exploring and climbing various sections of the formation before we had to leave. We met with some friends for dinner, grilling out. I had my first conversation with no english whatsoever! None! I'm incredibly proud of that, even if it was a simple conversation. Sunday I helped out with the Haxenessen, where I stirred the Kraut and then dished it out. I really enjoyed talking with people, in somewhat halting and probably not correct German. After that we cleaned up and wound down at home. Monday went as normal, but Tuesday and Wednesday I got out of school early! My teachers were (unfortunately) sick, so class was cancelled and we went home early. Today, which marks my last day at Gronau Gesamtschule, brought mixed emotions. I've had a wonderful time getting to know people here, and I'm incredibly saddened to not be joining them in the classroom again. Whether it's helping me with my German (which often results in laughter), or sharing stories in a mix of English and German, I've come to really like Brüggen. I'm going to miss the friends I've made here, but I doubt this is going to be the last time I see them. If there's only one thing leaving the U.S. has taught me, it's that those who really care will respond when you reach out. I think I might be closer with some of my friends now that I'm distanced from them. I realized how much I took for granted the roots my parents and friends had given me, and the history that came with it. Being in a new place, not being able to tell someone "Hey, remember when we were 9 and wrecked your kitchen making cookies?", it's a startling difference to the history of my hometown. Edit: I've belatedly realized I didn't post this when originally intended. As such, I've included a frame of reference for the time this talks about and was written in. It has been a whirlwind these past five weeks. A blur of excitement, sadness, anticipation, and pure fondness. I didn't know I could love to grow so many people so quickly, but something about being in a foreign country and not knowing much of the language bonds people together. There was a trip to Marburg, which was wonderful. The schloss was absolutely stunning, and we saw a lot of cool graffiti. Asking people what this or that word meant, (mine was holterdipolter) was incredibly fun. We had ice cream, wandered around book stores, and had a great time just getting lost. We didn't miss the train back to Bad Laasphe, which I count as a victory.
A few nights later, all fifty of us learned to dance in the courtyard. That led to just plain dancing, which led to one mildly injured ankle. There was Girl's Night, which I can honestly say was one of the best of my life. On one of the last nights, some of us (Sabrina, Lucas, Hannah, Alexis, Ame, Cecilia, Virginia, Sav, and I) went and laid out on the grass, stargazed, and talked. About an hour before roomcheck, Lucas had the wonderful idea to have a "Honey Roast" session. You go around the circle, and complement on person, until everyone in the circle has been complimented. When it was my turn, I started crying, and Cecilia just leapt over Ame and tackle hugged me. I was so incredibly happy with them. Then, our final night comes. With it, the talent show. The talent show was w o n d e r f u l. Amelia, amazing person that she is, had lights, a prize, and even snacks, along with introductions. All of the acts were absolutely amazing, two original songs (TWO, shoutout to Beth and Molly for being wonderful), and I even managed to get up and sing. There was a fight over my biggest fan. I love them so much. As the final act, a fashion show took place. It will go down in history, and never be forgotten. We had one last cuddle puddle on the floor, listened to Miriam tell a story, and likely cried a little bit. Some of us dragged our mattresses down to the plenum room, and slept down there. The next morning was crying and cleaning and that feeling of "holy shit it's happening what how why aaaahhhh". We all cleared out our rooms (those of us left), and went down and hung out in the small plenum room. As it got closer to eleven everyone got antsier. Finally it was time. We all walked up to the hallway outside the plenum room, and we waited for about five minutes. Then, we met our host families. I don't think I've ever been antsier. My German is very limited, and while it's growing, that first day it felt like all I could do was count. We drove home, had dinner, and I unpacked. My host community is beautiful, if small. My host family has been really helpful, telling me what things are called time and time again so I can learn. As the weeks have gone by I've slowly learnt more, but it's still a struggle. Something I didn't fully realize when I first started this program: School is going to sorta suck for a while. It's incredibly frustrating to know about the topic being discussed, but be unable to participate. The best classes so far have been Kunst (Art), and Sport (P.E.). They don't rely on lectures, so I can generally still follow a bit of what's going on. They're also just fun. Listening to the other students banter, even though I don't understand all of it, is fun. Somehow, some of them heard that American high school was easy. "Did you ever have homework? Aren't your classes in the U.S. super easy? Is your quarterback hot? Wait you actually have sports teams?" Yes, I had homework. A lot of it actually. No my classes in the U.S. aren't super easy. (I also explained A.P., which incurred many incredulous looks), no the quarterback isn't hot (in my opinion) and yes, we have high school sports. The fact that yellow school busses exist seems to stump some ("But that's so cliche!), and for some it seems like their only point of reference is High School Musical. Last Saturday my host family and I visited Marienburg Schloss, which is a nearby castle. It was absolutely stunning. A beautiful place, it was built as Queen Marie's "summer home". When she and her husband were ousted as the rulers of Hanover by Prussia, and her husband fled to Austria, she lived there in defiance with her two daughters. As it was her personal property, and tax funds hadn't been used to build it, Prussian officials couldn't seize the property. While we were there, a wedding was taking place. The bride and the setting were absolutely stunning. They were taking photos against the backdrop of the church doors and the beautiful stained glass. It was a bit rainy, but still a good time. We had hot chocolate (Heiß Skokolade auf Deutsch), and a general good time touring the castle. I'll try and post more frequently, but no promises! My German tutor said something to me that I thought was an appropriate end to this post. "My friend once said this: I know just enough to be misunderstood." It's startlingly appropriate. This week has been one of the best of my life. I can say that with no doubts whatsoever. I can also say, with no doubts, that international flights suck ass. Sorry mom, it had to be said. I slept for maybe 3 and a half hours, and I was exhausted. Then I slept on the floor of the bus on the way to the Schloss, and woke up to haul my luggage up eight (EIGHT) flights of stairs. I've eaten so much this week, but I've also hiked my way up and down the mountain several times over now. There was a concert in Bad Laasphe, and most of the CBYX group went (including me). The local German population was standing around, drinking beer, smoking, talking, and then the Americans showed up. We pushed to the front of the crowd and started dancing. The best part was the band was waiting for us to show up. Some of the locals started to dance with us, and as the night went on more joined in. I've successfully spoken a small amount of German, I've bought ice cream, and I've made some of the best friends I'll ever have. I'm so close to these people already. Truth or dare, cuddle puddles, deep conversations, acquaintance bands, small group, singing along to musical theater sound tracks, and playing volleyball and frisbee in the yard. It's been a great week, and I'm so excited for the rest of the year.
Soundtrack to this post: Candy Store, from Heather's the Musical It seems all anyone says to me is goodbye, I love you, or both. I've said so many goodbyes this past month. goodbye to my siblings, to a variety of friends, and just to home. Some places I wont see for another year, like Gities, C Gate, Harrison Road, The Berry Farm. This post is so hard to write. I'm not sure if I can write this. Saying goodbye is so hard. The thought that I won't see these people for a year is a persistent one. It needs to chill. I'm still going to be on social media, I'm still going to chat, and ok still going to post on here. Despite what a few of my friends have said, I am going to stay in touch. Every time I've sat down to write this, I've started crying. So I'm going to end this now. Goodbye is bittersweet. It's going to make hello that much better. Below is a going away gift from some dear friends.
If I'm being totally honest, it felt like it was a hundred days to departure yesterday. Except there's a little less than fifty. This summer is going by so quickly. This year is going by so quickly. It's been a year of milestones and big events. So far, two of my family members have been in the hospital (they're doing well now), I've gotten my first official/I-Have-To-Fill-Out-A-Crapton-Of-Forms Job, I'm a licensed driver now (Merrin the Minivan for the win!), and I was accepted to CBYX. My hair is starting to sun streak, I'm freckly, and I have a perpetual sunburn on my cheeks. Spending the fourth on a lake was a great decision. My hair is an absolute mess, I haven't been out of shorts and a tee shirt in days, and my bathing suit has an american flag on it. I am cute. My cat tried to stage a mutiny the other day, but she was thwarted by my dog. It was interesting to watch. If eyes could kill my dog would have burst into flames. I've started reading the recommended list from CBYX, meaning I've started reading A Tramp Abroad by Mark Twain, which inspired my sister to ask, "Are they implying you're a slut?" There's two definitions for tramp, and the one that applies is not slut.
I swear, I had this post planned in my head, and the second I sat down to write it flew out of my head. I have a funny story though! I was writing this and my mom asked me to get her laptop and glasses for her. So I got up and I get the laptop and give it to my mom, and am about to sit down when my mom says "Aren't you forgetting something?" I sort of stand there for a moment, whisper "F*ck", and go and find the glasses. The fact that I said the F-word sets off a riot in my family. I'm still not entirely sure how they heard it, I barely did. As I learn german, it slowly becomes more apparent that my favorite phrase is "Ich bin eine kartoffel." Every time I sit down to learn on DuoLingo, my legs go to sleep, and they end up going numb. So I'm going to end this with an inspiring quote. "I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles." -Audrey Hepburn So, my friend Eva (she's so great and she constantly has great eyeliner, I'm a little jealous) told me that I'm a real life version of Leslie Knope. Now, I don't watch Parks and Rec, so I had no idea how to take this. So I scrolled through the Leslie Knope tag on tumblr. The first thing that popped up was a gif set with Ben and Leslie (at least I think its Ben. The tags said it was Ben) talking. The exchange goes something like this: Ben: Honey you have an opinion on everything. You even have an opinion on pockets. Leslie: Yes. I think they should all be bigger.
Now I totally agree with this sentiment. Fake pockets annoy me, the fact that it's near impossible to find a cute dress with pockets annoys me, and the fact that I can barely fit a chapstick in my pocket most of the time annoys me. So I do think all pockets should be bigger. According to her it means I am happy and motivated. I am. I'm happy with where I am in life, with what I've achieved. Motivated, I don't see it so much. There's just so much I want to do, and so little time to do it. Since it was Aubrey Hepburn's birthday the other day (and Star Wars day, but it's hard to relay nerd joy over a screen), there's obviously a quote for this. This quote is very much me. Aubrey Hepburn once said "I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it". I am ridiculously affectionate, and I enormously enjoy the affection my friends and family bestow on me. That's not to say I don't get stressed and I don't cry. I do. I have two AP exams next week and thinking about them makes me want to go to sleep and wake up in a month. Except, I'm not going to do that. I've got too much stuff to do, like always. It isn't hard for me to be content. I surround myself with those who care about me and I care about in return. I take part in things I'm passionate about, and I enjoy learning. Enjoying learning isn't mandatory, but considering I'm a student it makes things a little easier. I still hate studying. Finding joy in my life isn't something I've ever particularly struggled with. I'm incredibly blessed to be well loved and to love others in return. I think another Audrey Hepburn quote describes the way I approach things fairly well. "For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone." Or perhaps "The best thing to hold onto in life is each other." Without all the wonderful people in my life, it wouldn't be so bright, and I wouldn't be so happy. I'm so incredibly blessed. You make your own path, and that can be incredibly difficult. Pushing yourself out of someone's shadow is incredibly difficult. With friends, it isn't as much of a burden. Friends don't remove burdens, but they can help you carry it. (Sidenote: The BB-8 by Star Wars playlist on Spotify is a jam. The Work It by Spotify playlist is great too.) |
McKennaI'm originally from Virginia, I'm going to Germany via CBYX. The blog title is a reference to a beloved nickname from my mother. Archives
October 2016
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